Changing My Mind – the Decision to Change

1989. I reached a decision point. I recognized repeating patterns in my life that were not serving me. It was important that I change them. And I did. The most important step I took was to change my mind.

This coming September I will celebrate 30 years without alcohol in my life. In those years, I have learned a great deal about my thoughts and emotions. I have incorporated pragmatic mental and emotional tools that serve me to face challenges.

I sometimes forget to remind myself that life is a gift and its challenges are opportunities. I fall back towards the dark.

With the current barrage of negative & divisive imagery and actions in our culture, it’s been easy for me to buy into the idea that it cannot be overcome. It’s easy to accept the idea that things have become reckless and out of control.

However, one certain thing I have learned over the last 30 years is the more I buy into the negativity of events, the more I will fear them and the more they will appear to be expanding. I recognize that my willingness to give power to those negative events and imagery just making things worse.

Many people may have seen this following story, but I repeat it here as it best illustrates my point:

The Fight of Two Wolves Within You

 An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

 “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

For me it requires discipline to stop feeding that wolf. However, one step that I take is to tell myself there is something that can be done. Do I know the answer by just making that statement? No. But I know it starts with this step. Change my mind. Decide there is an option and begin to nurture that belief.

I know that by continuing to remind myself that there is some alternate step to take, my subconscious mind will work on finding it.

I took that step 30 years ago and am the better for it.

On a personal level, the last 10 years have been extremely challenging and I have faced events that could have easily held me in despair. I experienced ocular cancer, that compromised the vision of my left eye and exhausted my savings. Almost two years ago I had a four-way heart bypass which gave me an extended life but temporarily burdened my business and my ability to make a living. For the last 10 years, I was primary person responsible for the management of my aging mother’s affairs until she passed this past April.

I know there are people who have faced far worse. But in the midst all the challenges I chose not to succumb to despair or to return to using alcohol to escape from the stress. I chose to believe there is always a way forward.

Every morning I wake up with a purpose. I am rebuilding my foundation. I am working to be there when I can for friends and family. I have been blessed with a community of friends who are supportive and have been generous with their help.

And I am ready to increase my workload so I am build more websites or do more voiceovers. If you know a small business or someone who is in need of a professionally-based website with the need for Search Engine Optimization and the other current features, contact me and I’ll send you an outline of the best way to send me a referral or to be a referral.

I really want to regain the independence that comes from earning through my business.

Be well.


Thanks to everyone who has been supportive emotionally, physically and financially. I am still struggling with my financial commitments. If you are in a position to help, please consider donating. Click this link for my  GoFundMe Page. Thanks!

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