How am I doing?

How are you doing?

That’s the question I hear often. It’s reassuring. The whole experience of having open-heart surgery and managing its recovery as a self-employed single person can be exhausting and frightening.

But I look back on the last six months and see I am one lucky person. So many people are in my life for which I am grateful. My heart is full. Sometimes I think I sound like broken record on that point. But, I always look to see the blessings and do my best to express my gratitude.

2017071795203209I am doing well by my accounting.

Am I back to “normal”?

Well, since I’ve never thought of myself as “normal” (that’s good thing), I would have to say no.

There are times I do too much, or can’t get enough sleep. They can cause me to have pain through my chest or shortness of breath. But those occurrences are fewer and farther between. I am more active than I was before the operation, though I still have stamina issues. I do Cardiac Rehab twice a week and am very protective of that activity. At this point it has to be a true emergency for me to miss it. I will be continuing with that for a long time.

I have days where my brain is clearer than it was and my memory is better. My creative soul is vibrating and inspired. I don’t get the amount of time I’d like to release the stream of ideas coming through. But its vitality is a sign to me that I have turned a big corner.

In the hospital they indicated after 3 months I would be able to play golf. Honestly, if I was a golfer, I sort of doubt I would have been able to do that after 4 months. The feedback of the Physical Therapist and nurses at Cardiac Rehab has taught me to expect things to take 6 months to a year before I’ll start feeling more like myself.

It took about four months before I could start to incorporate a part time work schedule. In the last month I’ve started to have longer days at the computer and working on projects. But my finances are still extremely challenged by such a big break and I find every week I am scrambling to find money to keep the bills paid. I am so fortunate to have had the donations through the GoFundMe page and the Richmond Theatre Artists Fund to help the last six months; otherwise I would have lost my house and my business in the third month.

Living on the edge is stressful. Fortunately I have a good attitude about being able to overcome the financial issues. But what happens, like most of us, is I start to get moving forward and an unexpected expense happens. My main computer stopped working last week.

I took it to the shop. What I thought was going to be 2 weeks without my computer, became 5 days as the shop got it back to me quickly, for which I am grateful,

Every week there is something unexpected that challenges my ability to respond. But I see no reason to give up. I’ll find a way to get things back together. As I look back on all the times I’ve thought I wasn’t going to get past an obstacle, somehow, I always do. I think there are many people who have this mindset. That’s how I learned it. Yes, I have my times when it gets scary. But right now I’m intent on rising above.

That’s how I’m doing. How are you?

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive both emotionally, physically and financially. I am still way behind on my financial commitments. If anyone and help out, please consider donating. Click this link for my  GoFundMe Page. Thanks!