How are you doing?

That’s the question I hear often. It’s reassuring. The whole experience of having open-heart surgery and managing its recovery as a self-employed single person can be exhausting and frightening.

But I look back on the last six months and see I am one lucky person. So many people are in my life for which I am grateful. My heart is full. Sometimes I think I sound like broken record on that point. But, I always look to see the blessings and do my best to express my gratitude.

I am doing well by my accounting.

Am I back to “normal”?

Well, since I’ve never thought of myself as “normal” (that’s good thing), I would have to say no.

There are times I do too much, or can’t get enough sleep. They can cause me to have pain through my chest or shortness of breath. But those occurrences are fewer and farther between. I am more active than I was before the operation, though I still have stamina issues. I do Cardiac Rehab twice a week and am very protective of that activity. At this point it has to be a true emergency for me to miss it. I will be continuing with that for a long time.

I have days where my brain is clearer than it was and my memory is better. My creative soul is vibrating and inspired. I don’t get the amount of time I’d like to release the stream of ideas coming through. But its vitality is a sign to me that I have turned a big corner.

In the hospital they indicated after 3 months I would be able to play golf. Honestly, if I was a golfer, I sort of doubt I would have been able to do that after 4 months. The feedback of the Physical Therapist and nurses at Cardiac Rehab has taught me to expect things to take 6 months to a year before I’ll start feeling more like myself.

It took about four months before I could start to incorporate a part time work schedule. In the last month I’ve started to have longer days at the computer and working on projects. But my finances are still extremely challenged by such a big break and I find every week I am scrambling to find money to keep the bills paid. I am so fortunate to have had the donations through the GoFundMe page and the Richmond Theatre Artists Fund to help the last six months; otherwise I would have lost my house and my business in the third month.

Living on the edge is stressful. Fortunately I have a good attitude about being able to overcome the financial issues. But what happens, like most of us, is I start to get moving forward and an unexpected expense happens. My main computer stopped working last week.

I took it to the shop. What I thought was going to be 2 weeks without my computer, became 5 days as the shop got it back to me quickly, for which I am grateful,

Every week there is something unexpected that challenges my ability to respond. But I see no reason to give up. I’ll find a way to get things back together. As I look back on all the times I’ve thought I wasn’t going to get past an obstacle, somehow, I always do. I think there are many people who have this mindset. That’s how I learned it. Yes, I have my times when it gets scary. But right now I’m intent on rising above.

That’s how I’m doing. How are you?

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Thanks to everyone who has been supportive both emotionally, physically and financially. I am still way behind on my financial commitments. If anyone and help out, please consider donating. Click this link for my  GoFundMe Page. Thanks!